proposal to love

i don't have confidence in love

i grow up seeing ego man in my family
i develop mentality of not getting married
i don't want to live with a man if ego is all there to it
until i become one myself

later

once,
i fell in love
with a good man, a really good person
but the doubt i have about man
make me see
it is too good to be true
in fact, it is too good to be true

twice
 i fell in love
with a reliable friend who turn to be man
it is more real since there is flaw in it
he doesn't always give sweet words
but stating the truth, always
or that is the way i take it
seems real, i fell deeper
let him in, bare my flaw
but in the end, he gave me
a painful truth within a lie


thus,
i'm back to my square one
with the mentality of not getting married

even if i like someone and want to say
hey, let's fall in love and get hurt together
i can't
truth is, i don't wanna get hurt anymore
i get back to life and have so many things in my hand right now
i can't manage to get hurt right now

so, when i like someone
i enjoy it one - sidedly