Im not sure why
But just like the song i use to hear
About people growing colder as they get older
I've somehow becoming them
Family gathering suppose to warm your heart
But not mine
I've known all along that people need to change from inside
That it wont matter whatever people do or say they cant change you unless you want it to
Its been too long
From the little chika to the big chika
It always the same
This feeling of not being good enough
That im always at fault
I can never blame others but myself
For not learning, not changing
It just this immature part of mine that just too ego to accept this long lecture that happen throughout my life
I fully understand the situation of 'why' and yet this feeling still here
I cant help it
Slowly distance is more comfortable than having people around. It get easier not to care as it not gonna hurt anymore. And maybe, just maybe...
One day
I might die alone.
And no one will know.