what a 5 years old child do on the roof of dream?
yet, she seems so lonely.
...
"what's your name?"
"are you alone here?"
"are you lost?"
"where is your parents?"
...
~~~silent~~~
...
she doesn't seems to notice me
not scare either
what a fragile looking kid doing up here?
will she break even if by the gentlest breeze blow?
...
her pale white hand hold up high
reaching for something
the distance in her sight is so far ahead
yet,the gaze she posses is empty
drops by drops
tears falling down
from my eyes
'i cant stand anymore'
just looking at her make me feel helpless
the torn up shirt she's wearing
the dirt on her face
but still
smiling,showing empty gap between her teeth
...
"mister,are you hurts somewhere?"
~no
"don't lie,adult sure lying a lot"
~...
"i know it hurts here"
"your heart"
...
'of course it's hurts'
...
i remembered, last night i had i fight with my wife. she miscarried. it's the third time. we both longing for child so long.
the first loss:12 weeks old baby boy in car accident
~my wife get mother's blue,or meroyan what it called here.i take leave from the company to take care of my wife.suicide always on her mind back then.
~the baby leave us,why are u try to follow him.do you want to leave me too?
the second loss:23 weeks old baby boy
~my wife fell in the bathroom.the doctor says it's all in good condition during the check up.but my wife mood change completely after the incident like the baby is already gone.she remain silent for a long time and always apologizing on simple matter.on the night before the fourth check up after the incident,she apologizing to me an started crying."I'm sorry, the baby is gone.i cant feel him anymore."
the third loss:19 weeks old identical twins baby girl
~my wife and i doesn't have much hope at first. we know the feeling of losing so well that we doesn't expect anything from the baby. still,we tried to look happy in front of each other to cover our worries.
~but, when we heard it's a twins, everything change for us. we started to keep faith in our girls. we went for shopping with happiness written all over our face. we didn't buy much since we still keep the cloth from the first baby.
~later,it fade away.the happiness.
this time,it's a dream.
waking me up,crying with blood all over our bed sheet:
"they leaving us. our beautiful children. the younger one told me that."
i held her in my arms gently.she cry until she fell asleep.i put her in the guest room and change the sheet.
what can i do for her?
~the check up shows one of the twin's growth was stunted.the doctor says the chance for the baby to survive is low but the other one will be fine.
however, not my wife. she believed it. the dream.
she didn't eat properly.crestfallen day by day.I'm afraid her condition and the babies will get worse.
that's when i angered out at her.
...
the truth is I'm scared,
seeing her like that,
i start believing myself.
that dream.
...
the little delicate hand on my chest wipe my tears
...
"hey mister!"
~what?
"do you wanna know the answer?"
~what answer?
"about the question you ask me earlier."
~which one?
"..."
"i guess adult DO forget something easily huh..."
~err...
...
"i don't know my name"
"i used to be with my sister.we played together here a lot. she used to wipe away the dirt on my face and kiss me on the cheek.but now she's away I'm a bit lonely."
~where is she?
"at unreachable place..."
~what happen?
"you'll know"
...
the little girl gaze upon the starry sky. the same gaze ever.
in the conversation with her,i feel like I'm a little boy listening to stories before going to bed.
if i could have a daughter like her someday.
remembering my wife alone at home,i need to go back.
...
"little girl,let me send you home"
~no i cant. it's not the time yet.
"what do you mean?"
~I'm still waiting here.
"for what?"
~the shooting star
"be careful dear,"somehow, i know she's going to be okay.
~hey mister
"yes?"
~the last answer
"?"
she look at me straight in the eyes
"i never meet my mom yet but i meet you dad"
"send my regard to her will ya?"
'what?'
"wait!"
"then you're..."
~your stunted baby.
~for now
"we'll meet again in three years.don't you worry dad."
"don't miss me too much okay"
~why?
~why do you...
"because mom wont make it if i grow up normally"
"so dad,prepare me a lot of pink cloth when I'm born okay?"
"good night dad"
"sleep well"
...
that was the same dream i had three years ago.
waking me up was my daugther,beside her i see my wife with our newborn child,wrapped in pink blanket.
'you really like pink,do you?'
"honey,don't give her too much sweets. I'm afraid she might have gap between her teeth at the age of five"
~SweetMedBitterCandy~