we're so afraid of losing

when nothing really belongs to us

proposal to love

i don't have confidence in love

i grow up seeing ego man in my family
i develop mentality of not getting married
i don't want to live with a man if ego is all there to it
until i become one myself

later

once,
i fell in love
with a good man, a really good person
but the doubt i have about man
make me see
it is too good to be true
in fact, it is too good to be true

twice
 i fell in love
with a reliable friend who turn to be man
it is more real since there is flaw in it
he doesn't always give sweet words
but stating the truth, always
or that is the way i take it
seems real, i fell deeper
let him in, bare my flaw
but in the end, he gave me
a painful truth within a lie


thus,
i'm back to my square one
with the mentality of not getting married

even if i like someone and want to say
hey, let's fall in love and get hurt together
i can't
truth is, i don't wanna get hurt anymore
i get back to life and have so many things in my hand right now
i can't manage to get hurt right now

so, when i like someone
i enjoy it one - sidedly

already

i always wonder 

is it possible to love someone

one-sidedly

if one sided love was enough

would i get greedy someday

wanting more

but me being enough with us like this

does that make me not loving enough

if i didn't crave for more

for letting it be

as it is

some say you should fight for what you love

i would

if there is a reason to

or

should we fight aimlessly

to prove we could be silly and dumb sometimes

would it do us any good

if another person would come to love you

should i worry or be angry

when they also want the best for you

which i would also agree to

coz you deserve all the love there is

would you be angry

if i don't fight for you

not wanting to own you

coz the truth is

you already own me

when i love you

Empty Paddy Field

No matter how many times I return

I still have this feeling

That I don't belong here

Like I'm not fixing myself enough

to fit in

Maybe I don't need to

Naver meant to

because 'this' is not mine

It belongs to the people here

To the people that I love

and that is enough of a reason

to keep coming back

because one day

I might return to an empty space

and lingering regret of unending 'I wish...'

I hope what will be left and reflected then

are good memories

and maybe some not so good one

that I already made peace with

Xsume bende kene share

Sbb xsetiap respon akan sedapkn hati kau

Eventho tujuan asal ko share nk utk sedapkn hati.

Or myb ko just nk org yg bole faham n acknowledge feeling vulnerability ko, instead of make a casual discussion about it. 

Nothing is lost

We just grow out of it

N i need to stop looking back. 

Srsly chika, 

Move on. 

They already did, 

why wont you?

Love come with pain

Yeah its true

But more importantly

Love make the pain bearable

If there is only pain

And no love

Then, 

Put some love to it